Uncle Face's Fun Day

River Falls Wi, it's a magic town. The magic tends to get a little out of hand at times and never more so than during the town festival, River Falls Days. This RF days was an especially magical occasion, thanks to one man in particular. This man is one of our greatest living entertainers. This man is "Face." I can't claim to know Face very well but we've met a few times and I admire his commitment to his craft. He's willing to go the extra mile to guarantee everyone's enjoyment. This day he went about 5 extra miles. Here is a brief rundown of the proceedings with estimated time stamps.


12-2 - It begins, I was not present for all of this but it involved drinking about half a bottle of apple pucker, caramel schnapps and vodka plus countless keg beers.

2:16 - "let me tell ya a story bout how I'm not afraid to hit women."

2:20 - Face wonders why people are angry with his decision to throw a bottle in the street asking "don't we want a fun day?" This made the rest of the afternoon known as "Uncle Face's Fun Day."

2:50 - "Daddy smells like an uppercut"

3:16 - passed out on the lawn.

3:20 - awake, sitting upright.

3:45 - Joe declares what happens next to be Face's "go to move" the "go to move" turns out to be: puking on himself while upright then falling over, while still in the act of puking.

5:15 - Face awakes and starts to drink again, this is where my memory gets a little hazy, I beleive a kegstand was done and I know there were chants of "USA USA" for bottle finishing encouragement.

5:35 - Face trips over the keg and Hans gets pissed and starts hitting him with random objects, at one point picking up the keg and swinging it while Face eggs him on. Asking to be hit in the head with a keg, ridiculous. This is when the party breaks up and we head to the bars and Face goes to sleep for the night.

It was one of the mot entertaining 3 hours of my life. I did feel bad by the end but all in all it was fantastic. Face, I salute you. Forget those bud light commercials you are a real man of genius.

Rating 5/5